I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
