someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
