Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
