hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
