Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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