New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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