He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he puts the penis in happiness.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
