none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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