Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
