Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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