The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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