why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
