That's when you crack a 10am beer
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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