Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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