Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I didn't notice because vodka
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
