I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
