We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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