How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
