oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you would pick up someone in the library
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
