This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
