It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
