You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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