Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
