I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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