So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
