jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
