sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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