very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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