This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have aggressive nipples.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
