Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
