Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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