I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
