I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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