Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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