maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
