Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
