what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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