My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
