we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
