I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
