is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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