i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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