I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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