You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
