Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
