in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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