Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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