Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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