If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
