I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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