i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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