sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
